Trust

This morning I had the opportunity to share a little bit with our Men’s Ministry at church, and the subject I chose was trust. A few weeks ago, I found myself listening to some Simon Sinek talks while I did household chores. One of the things he said that struck me was something to the effect that people do their best work in an environment of trust.

This wasn’t an entirely new subject to me. As a teacher and course designer, I know that belonging and safety are important elements for helping students thrive. Trust is implied. It’s not a trust that says you will never correct me, but a trust that says when you do, it’s because I have your back.

I’ve also been taken advantage of in the past as a generally trusting person. Trust makes you vulnerable, and if you give it to the wrong person, you can get seriously hurt.

But it struck me anew this time for two reasons. First of all, the level of trust in our public discourse is practically nonexistent. It seems no matter what you say or post on social media, someone is ready to pounce and tell you why you’re wrong. Worse yet, I am that person sometimes! People share some of the silliest things, and they get defensive if you try and show them where the lie or mistake is. The circle of trust is tight, and few are inside. Everyone outside simply cannot be heard.

So that’s a huge problem. But then I’ve been in too many churches and Christian organizations where trust is in short supply. We are on guard. And there are definitely things we should guard against. But at a certain point the kind of safety that could promote trust goes too far and makes it unsafe. Call it paranoia.

I wonder if there’s a pattern here. I wonder if conservative churches and organizations are more prone to paranoia. I wonder whether fundamentalists and their heirs have it worse, since they already have a pattern of separation over values. (I think the article “Machen’s Warrior Children” has something to say about this, if I recall.) If my values may require me to reject you, how can I build an environment of trust? How can we do our best work together?

I didn’t talk about any of that this morning. I focused on how great it is to have friends I can trust, and how that bond has saved me from making some significant mistakes in my life. But I’m convinced that this is a necessary element for discipleship, and maybe society in general. How can we build trust? How do we earn it? How do we know when to extend it to others?

It has to be more than a common enemy. We need shared values. But how can we come to an agreement if we don’t trust each other enough to at least listen and take one another seriously? In other words, what if the trust has already been broken? How do we rebuild it then?

This is why I’m intrigued with the conservative experience on this front, because I am one. I have a pattern of rejecting people who refuse to repent of beliefs I find destructive. Is my tolerance level set too low? Probably. And yet I find myself wishing I spoke up more often. If complete agreement and lack of conflict are necessary ingredients, then I don’t see a way forward. What does this leave? Taking doctrine less seriously? Shrugging at sin?

No, I’m not satisfied with any of these answers. There has to be a way to passionately pursue different beliefs while still having my neighbor’s back.